


Steering the Ship

by lesbeanmum



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26413840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbeanmum/pseuds/lesbeanmum
Summary: AU for Zolf's experience of steering the airship during episodes 167 and 168Zolf feels like he's steering through the Aurelia Borealis for days. And he might be - because magic, space, time and understanding of the universe are incredibly complicated - but luckily he has company. Sasha has found herself trapped in a new (or old) world. She doesn't speak the language and she's out of her depth, somehow becoming the mother to a bunch of really traumatised children. And one night she goes to bed and finds herself awake, out of her depth and in the presence of an old friend. Over the next few years of her life, Sasha finds herself returning to Zolf for advice, and over the next few hours of his life, Zolf gets some company. And he kind of becomes a grandfather to some kids by giving Sasha the advice she desperately needs.Huge shout out to the amazing writing of inyw21 who you can follow on twitter @Inyw21 Thank you for both inspiring me and proof reading.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. Am I Dead?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inyw21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inyw21/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Don't Lose Hope](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058382) by [Inyw21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inyw21/pseuds/Inyw21). 



> Please check out the incredible fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058382 which I used as inspiration! 
> 
> I like to write angst and I also want to point out that this work contains content warnings for basically everything in Sasha's back story and some of Zolf's, which includes:
> 
> Childhood trauma  
> Neglect  
> Family trauma  
> Trauma related to violence  
> Responsibility for minors during difficult situations
> 
> This first chapter in particular will lean heavily into these concepts, I will trigger warning each chapter as relevant but please be aware that it starts heavy and will continue to explore these concepts to varying degrees, and let me know if I need to edit in any extra warnings. 
> 
> Thank you so much to inyw21 who both inspired this, and has been kind enough to beta read for me, please check out her twitter @inyw21!

Zolf grasped the wheel in his hands, trying not to be too tense; it was way too early in the journey to risk getting a cramp. The wood was smooth beneath his hands, and the air was crisp and fresh in a relaxing sort of way, which set Zolf very much on edge. The light from the Aurelia Borealis was purple and pink, with tinges of green at the edges. It was beautiful and terrifying. 

“Zolf?” said a voice that was so familiar that his heart jumped to his throat. He couldn’t place it, even though the wave of grief and distrust and joy that washed over him was so strong he almost bolted. 

“Sasha…” He whispered. 

She walked softly into his vision, steps as silent as always, but she looked solid. She looked more scarred than when he’d last seen her. The shock of white in her hair was new, and her hands were covered in blue scars and… 

“Do you have a new finger, Sasha?” Zolf asked. It seemed as good a place to start as any. 

She looked at her hand, frowned for a moment and then responded. “Yeah. From when I got undeaded.”

There was a pause and then at the same time they asked, “Am I dead?” 

Sasha’s face was flat, but Zolf knew well enough the muscle spasm at the side of her mouth meant she was holding back a smile and the tension in her jaw meant that she was scared.

“Yes. You’re…” Zolf said, and then caught himself. “I mean not yet. Or not yet for you. Or not… you.”

Sasha’s hand tightened around her dagger for comfort. 

“You sent us a letter, Sasha, from Rome. You founded - well I don’t know if I should tell you that - and you had a lot of - oh. I probably shouldn’t tell you that either. Unless you already know. I mean, where are you?”

Sasha looked around, eyes darting across the deck, it’s weird beautiful lights and Zolf’s hands on a wheel that she was sure she’d touched and the spiked coating of the airship that she didn’t recognise. 

“Oh!” Zolf exclaimed, glad to have something that he could explain. “We’re in the Northern Wastes. We’re heading to Svaldbard.”

“I was in bed.” Sasha said. “With the kids, and Cicero. We’re not - I mean I don’t - the kids cry unless they know where everyone is. I think, I mean I don’t know, but I think that Cicero tried to explain to them that it was okay. That we’d be sticking around. But I don’t speak Latin, Zolf! I’m trying but you know I’m not smart like that. And there’s the kids and they’re so small. There’s older ones about, that survived the -” She stopped dead, frozen in a way that had Zolf looking around urgently for whatever danger she had spotted but there was nothing. She was just stopped, breathing fast and way too shallow. 

Zolf wished more than anything that he was Hamid, or Azu, or by the gods even Carter would be better at this than him. 

“I… erm… we…” Zolf stuttered. “Well, you sent a letter. I know what happened when you arrived. I’m sorry, Sasha. I know it must have been really bad to… be there.” 

“See, that’s the thing though.” Sasha said. ”Because, ain’t even that. Look, I mean, it was bad, yeah, but that’s life isn’t it? Or at least that’s my life. Because I was locked in - well - that place and then I was trapped trying to be someone I wasn’t, and then I could work with Gusset, but then even that got ruined. And working with you guys was nice but, that’s weird to say because I was like dead for most of it and I was so scared but I don’t even know why because - and then there was Eldarion and I don’t know but apparently she sacrificed herself for me. Like what does that even mean because she wasn’t ever nice to me and I wasn’t ever good enough for her. And then Grizzop sacrificed himself for me too and I’m pretty sure he did care because even though he kept trying to get me to join Artemis he was like real nice. And now I’m here and there’s so much to do and there’s kids, and they need something and they keep crying at night and it sounds like - when I was young and it’s like… What if this is my fault? What if I’m like him?” 

Sasha looked at her daggers, as if she’d somehow managed to forget that she was holding them, and she turned and threw one into a mast, quickly followed by the other. 

“Sasha.” Zolf said, trying to get her to face him again. She didn’t. “Sasha! I’m proud of you!” 

She whipped around, ready to yell something at him, but nothing came to her.

Zolf ignored the part of him that was screaming that he should be quiet in case he made this worse. She was more important than his fears. “You’re doing right by those kids. This sucks. It sucks that you’re there shouldering the fallout for something that wasn't your fault. And I ain’t ever seen you hurt anyone. Except… Well scratch that last bit, but it was for a job. Everything keeps piling on for you and you don’t deserve it. But, you’re gonna be okay. One day you’re gonna be speaking Latin so well, that you’ll forget you knew English first. Some good things are gonna happen to you because, well the way I see it is that: you’re owed. So yeah. I don’t know… Sorry.”

Sasha sat down, right where she’d been standing. She rested her head on her knees. 

Zolf reminded himself he was steering an airship through an incredibly dangerous place, and made the choice not to go to join her. 

“Zolf…” She said, tone much changed from a few moments before. 

“Yeah?”

“Did… Did Possiden give you new legs? They’re drier.” Sasha said. “I mean I like them. They’re just less wet.”

Zolf looked down at his legs. “Oh yeah. No. I mean… I ended it with Possiden.” 

Sasha frowned. “Wait… Do clerics date their gods? Is that what you were doing in the mornings?” 

“What? Sasha, no. I… no. I was meditating. That’s. No.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean to you. I was just wondering. I mean I know more about gods now, I think. But I know what a Paladin is. And they don’t date their gods, or at least Azu got angry when Grizzop said she was but…” Sasha trailed off.

“Azu went on a date today.” Zolf said. “Maybe I shouldn’t - I mean I don’t think she’d mind me saying.” 

Sasha looked up. “Azu’s here?” 

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry, should have said earlier. They’re - well - we’re. Erm… Hamid’s here too, and Wilde actually. Oh and Carter and Barnes, they’re here.” Zolf gestured vaguely towards the crew quarters.

Sasha glanced around. “Where? Actually, don’t this ship need a crew?” 

“Oh yeah, so Cel - they’re this alchemist we met, really cool, they make bombs too, you’d probably like them - well anyway they made this cage thingy to stop everyone getting hurt from the Aurelia Borealis. That’s these light things, it’s wild magic, which is really sort of dangerous and weird. And I don’t know maybe why you’re here. Which is great, obviously.”

Sasha nearly gave a smile. “Yeah. I... missed you.”

“Oh darn I’m sailing!” Zolf exclaimed. He looked around, ready to adjust the course but weirdly, nothing needed doing. 

“Yeah. You are.” Sasha said, having got to her feet without making a sound. “I wanna see the others. I think… I need to see them.” 

Zolf smiled warmly. “Go on. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Sasha turned to walk towards the quarters, but she only made two steps before she faded out of existence. 

“Oh… Bye Sasha.” said Zolf. He blinked rapidly, trying to pretend that he was not crying. “Gosh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to visit https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058382 to check out who inspired me, follow her on twitter @inyw21 and also comment below to let me know what you thought and pls peer pressure me to update by next Friday, but no promises I'm a chaos being which is why the peer pressure is important.


	2. Napping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duo continue to be socially inept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got chance to write a new chapter! Thank you to coignmaster for the assistance with the Latin!

At least two hours had passed. Probably. 

The chill was getting to Zolf, his eyes were drooping and the ship appeared to be guiding itself. Zolf wasn't thinking about that - though every so often he became very aware that he should be concentrating harder on keeping everyone safe in this perilous situation - because he was thinking about Sasha. 

She was dead. He grieved for her. Twice. And it hadn't exactly been easy when he left her before. When she'd been ill, and he hadn't been strong enough to help her. 

"For goodness sake, Zolf. Concentrate." He muttered. 

There was a gentle cough to his right hand side, and Zolf nearly jumped in the air. 

"Sorry, Zolf! I didn't mean to scare you…" said a wide eyed Sasha. 

"Why the hell did you sneak up on me then?"

Sasha stared at her feet. 

"Look - its okay - I mean - don't worry.” said Zolf. Then he added “It’s good to see you again, Sasha. I wasn’t sure if you’d come back."

“Yeah. Of course I’d come back.” grinned Sasha. “I mean that’s if I had any control over it, and I don’t think I do but, like, I’m back. So that’s good. I think.” 

Zolf returned the smile, and looked her up and down. She was now wearing an unfamiliar style of clothing under her leather jacket. Some of her grazes had healed, and there were a few minor scrapes in their place. It was nothing concerning, and there was something about her - maybe the way she held herself, or maybe the old calm focus in her eyes as she surveyed the situation - that was a relief to Zolf. “You seem more - erm - brighter. How long have you been gone?” 

Sasha nodded. “Yeah, a few months. Have you been steering on your own all this time?” 

“No. I mean yeah, but it’s only been a few hours for me.”

Sasha frowned. “Why?”

Zolf tried to come up with an explanation but settled for shrugging and saying “I dunno. Magic?” 

It seemed as good an answer as any. 

“How’s the Latin, Sasha?” 

“Oh yeah - ecce, nunc recte loqui - that means…. That I can speak proper now. Oh and last month Cicero nicked us a bunch of potions of tongues and I spoke to him and the kids properly. It was really good. I think they’re less worried about me leaving now. ‘Cause I wouldn’t. I think they need me.”

Feeling the physically painful pang in his chest, Zolf inhaled sharply. “I’m sorry.” 

“What for?” Sasha asked.

“For leaving you in Prague. I was so caught up in all my thinking that I abandoned you when you were sick. I didn’t do right by you.” 

Sasha shook her head. “That’s alright. You had to go.” 

“No! It’s not alright. I should have looked after you.” 

“I ain’t a kid, Zolf. I look after myself.” 

“But I could have helped.” 

“You would have killed Bertie. And I won’t lie, it was only a bit sad when he died, but I think it would have been hard if you’d been the one what did it. I haven’t had many people in my life who’ve got my back, but Bertie did sometimes, when he wasn’t falling on my back. And I don’t think I’d’ve liked it if you were the one what killed him.” 

Zolf nodded. “Okay… But I’m still sorry, even it were the right thing to do.” 

Sasha fidgeted, then caught sight of the cut she’d got on her hand that day. “Do you still do magic? Now that you’re not with Poseidon?” 

“Oh. Yeah. Do you - are you hurt? I could…”

Sasha shook her head “Don’t waste your spells, it's just a nick. I was just wondering.” 

“What do you want to know?”

“Do you have a new God?” 

“Oh… well. Not really. I’m more of a… Cleric of Hope.” 

Sasha snorted, then caught the laugh and tried to look casually curious. 

“All right, I know. It don’t sound like it suits me. It’s more like, when I was off getting my head straight, I ditched Possideon, and the legs went and I was in… a bad way… again. I couldn’t get myself around. And I didn’t have your help, so it was harder, and…” Zolf looked back at Sasha to see her wearing a hurt expression. “What?”

“I mean. Like. That’s not my fault. You left.”

“No! Of course. I just mean that... I’d chosen to be on my own and that it was tricky. I’d lost a leg before, and I was used to that but this was like going all the way back to the start. But worse. And I didn’t know how I could be useful again.” Zolf pretended to adjust the ship's course. There was no point; the damn thing had been steering itself again. "I think I had to leave." 

"Yeah." said Sasha. "Being trapped is bad."

A silence fell. 

"Uuhh, Sasha?" said Zolf.

"Yeah?" 

"I erm… think you… I mean. I'm glad you're in my life. Like as family goes then… and obviously we aren't family but… and I know at least one of us is probably kind of dead. God I wish I could ask Hamid but maybe he'd just… vomit." Zolf stumbled and then fell silent again. 

Suddenly, and ever so briefly, he felt a tall figure approach from the side, wrap their arms around him briefly and then retreat. 

Zolf grinned. 

"Stop it." said Sasha. 

"I didn't say a thing." Zolf said, politely trying to fight the grin off his face. 

"Hamid doesn't throw up as much as he used to, you know, Zolf." 

He shrugged. "Yeah I noticed."

"Well… I should go, Zolf. I was... napping." Sasha admitted. 

"Oh yeah. Of course. Get back to things." Zolf said. "I'll see you later?" 

"See ya." she replied. 

Zolf listened out for her leaving, but as ever, Sasha was gone without a trace. 


End file.
